Registered Nuts - Psych 101
6:42 PM
I pull into the lot and sit for a minute. I say a small prayer that goes something like, “God, why do you punish me so? I HATE YOU……Amen!”
I sigh a deep and agonizing sigh and hoist my tired ass outta my truck and into the pits of hell that is our Emergency Department.
This one tends to have the psychotic market cornered so as to promise an especially challenging shift. One that will one day assure my place amongst the ranks of chronically psychotic.
06:45
I’m met at the vacuum sealed double doors, coffee in hand and a bad attitude by a crash and a yell, “Hey, ..STOP HIM” I’m a tad stunned to
...Heroin Addiction Since serious withdrawal symptoms are associated with stopping the use of heroin, many users are reluctant to face these difficulties. A doctor may prescribe a synthetic opiate, such as methadone, to lessen the craving for the drug, as ...
...because I am not made out of money. I ll need a lot of cheap or free drugs. Street drugs are looking better all the time, when you think about the costs. I ll probably have to do such combinations ...
7:04 PM
I’m sucking down my now lukewarm coffee and I am thinking, “All this already”….”AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED MY SHIFT YET”.
No sooner do I sit down for
...in the first place but who's parents snuck her in so she could watch grandma vomit stool. 9:47 SMOKE BREAK. 9:52 Catch an earful from someone elses patient who is unhappy that no one has fed her, angry because no ...
The oncoming shift all look and feel as I do. There is distance in their stare. Want in their heart…And a loaded .45 caliber just under their fanny pack if a career change is near. The outgoing Nurses are bouncing around and
...tobacco are legal, while marijuana and ecstasy are both illegal. Previous studies, including one from a British parliamentary committee in 2006, have questioned the scientific rationale for Britain's drug classification system. Tobacco causes 40 percent of all hospital illnesses, while ...
7:11
At once I establish who my patients are, why they are here and if they are pending admission to the Eternal Care Unit. I bury myself into the sickest
...because I am not made out of money. I ll need a lot of cheap or free drugs. Street drugs are looking better all the time, when you think about the costs. I ll probably have to do such combinations ...
...2004 by James Slobodzien, Psy. D.--------------------------------------------------------Behavior Risk Assessment Screen (BRAS) Name: _______________________________ Date: _________________ Signature: ___________________________ SSN: _________________ The Behavior Risk Assessment Screen is comprised of the following seven screening scales: A. Substance Intake Screen B. Eating Attitude Screen C. ...
7:28
Contemplate suicide.
7:31
Can no way see leaving this bastion of humanity until I first answer a flurry of questions by the unruly masses still to be brought back from the waiting room. From the intercom and in broken english I hear, “Pinche Pendejo, I’ve been waiting for 13 hour’s and…………Click…. “Mrs Rosario, I am sorry that your hearing is diminished because you’ve got 3 pounds of earwax lodged in your auditory canal but I am presently caring for a man who is near death…..we are sorry for the delay… Please,
...tobacco are legal, while marijuana and ecstasy are both illegal. Previous studies, including one from a British parliamentary committee in 2006, have questioned the scientific rationale for Britain's drug classification system. Tobacco causes 40 percent of all hospital illnesses, while ...
7:33
Contemplate homicide.
9:12
A naked man runs by the nursing station with little fanfare. We usher him back into a room and apologize to the parents of a visibly shaken 8 year old girl. A girl who has no business in an adult ER in the first place but who’s parents snuck her in so she could watch grandma vomit stool.
9:47
SMOKE BREAK.
9:52
Catch an earful from someone elses patient who is unhappy that no one has fed her, angry because no one has medicated her anxiety with an otherwise near fatal dose of Ativan, pissed off at
...chances of having a good result. Risks in people with the disease that would want to have a family, and of course children, will always be there, but this doesn t really mean that one shouldn t try. If the ...
“Not in Texas she’s not!”!
As she marches back to her room to gather her things and leave, I suspect I haven’t heard the last of this incident. It is a “Methodist” hospital system you know. Hell, if it were a Catholic Hospital, I’d get a raise and an email link to sensitivity classes online.
10:02
SMOKE BREAK
12:02 AM
“GODDAMIT, I BEAN HER WAITING FOR ALMOSE 22 HOURS….Click…..Mr Sanchez, I am sorry that your gun-shot wound from the time of the Alamo still hurts you but we are
...2004 by James Slobodzien, Psy. D.--------------------------------------------------------Behavior Risk Assessment Screen (BRAS) Name: _______________________________ Date: _________________ Signature: ___________________________ SSN: _________________ The Behavior Risk Assessment Screen is comprised of the following seven screening scales: A. Substance Intake Screen B. Eating Attitude Screen C. ...
We gang-tackle Mr Palmer, re-dress him…AGAIN….assure him that Liberace pulled out and ran off as soon as he hit the floor, then strap him to a gurney.
12:42 am
I am then accosted by an angry family member who is complaining about the smell emanating from the bed next to his wife’s. In easy to understand, non medical terms I explained that one of the many glorious smells perusing through any given ER at any given time is the smell of rotting flesh. In this case, rotting flesh from the
...hepatitis A usually develop between 2 and 7 weeks after infection. The most common symptoms to appear are the following: Nausea or vomiting, Diarrhea, Fever, Rash, Fatigue, Jaundice, Dark Urine. Hepatitis B - Like Hepatitis A, some people show no ...
01:30 am
Dinner time and I relax to eat a little chow and watch a little of the Republican Party Presidential hopefuls debate on
...chances of having a good result. Risks in people with the disease that would want to have a family, and of course children, will always be there, but this doesn t really mean that one shouldn t try. If the ...
01:31 am
SMOKE BREAK
02:19
Fearing for the fate of my country, my life, my fellow man, my sanity, I crawl into bed 5, hit the call-light and demand a pillow and a Xanax..
04:10
There is light at the end of the tunnel when I admit 2 patients in record time. I have 3 empty beds and Mrs’ Karnes, a 22 year old Vicodin addict who came into our ER because her “Doctor in (insert fictional place here) forgot to refill her (insert narcotic pain reliever or benzodiazapine here) and now she is out her meds. After giving an Oscar-worthy performance she convinces the “treat ‘em and street em ER Dr
...possible to give yourself a headache? Or a sore leg? a [http://www.head-ache-pain.com ]headache, or a stomach or a pimple or a? It's an interesting idea but after writing this article I haven't been able to stop itching my head: "Pediculosis, ...
04:27
The Vicodin Queen observed sneaking away
...hepatitis A usually develop between 2 and 7 weeks after infection. The most common symptoms to appear are the following: Nausea or vomiting, Diarrhea, Fever, Rash, Fatigue, Jaundice, Dark Urine. Hepatitis B - Like Hepatitis A, some people show no ...
05:40
“OK, THAT’S IT MUTHA-&$%#A, I BEEN HERE FER 23 MINUTES AND 15 SECONDS AND…..click…..Uhh, Mr Jones,
This is Mike, your nurse who was taking care of you…well, if you recall we discharged you not 20 minutes ago. You’ve already seen the ER Dr and you’ve already received your Dilaudid shot for your tooth pain you’ve had since just after the Crusades!”……………Mr Jones?…….”Yeah…..Okay……….” “You’re welcome Mr Jones……”
..”See you tomorrow”.
06:47
After A few rounds of Limbo the celebration quiets as the day crew comes ambling in. Each one reluctantly glances at the census
...appear to follow a moving object. Comatose (unresponsive)if large amount consumed. Eyes may be open or closed. Ecstasy: Confusion, depression, headaches, dizziness (fromhangover/after effects), muscle tension, panic attacks, paranoia,possession of pacifiers (used to stop jaw clenching), lollipops,candy necklaces, mentholated vapor ...
...possible to give yourself a headache? Or a sore leg? a [http://www.head-ache-pain.com ]headache, or a stomach or a pimple or a? It's an interesting idea but after writing this article I haven't been able to stop itching my head: "Pediculosis, ...
07:01
“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR NOW YOU MUTHA…”…..click………………”Mr Baldinger……..Hello Sir, This is Mike, one of the Nurses here at Our Lady of Perpetual Pestilence Hospital. I apologize for the wait and I want to assure you that one of our fine (day) nurses will be with you momentarily to meet your every need. And please don’t worry about any red-cards, you don’t have to pay this time either. Besides, we are using BLUE cards now, which is a much softer color and………..CLICK……..JUST COME GET ME
...age group, suffering from mild to moderate depression. They were divided into two groups and monitored over a period of four weeks. One group were given 300mg of St Johns Wort extract three times daily, and the other received a ...
07:02
I inform the day crew that Mr Baldinger is in the waiting room attempting to steal the battery off of Mrs Martinez’s Hover-round.
They all run through the double doors and I double time out the back. As security rushes by, presumably for that little ruckus about to kick off in the waiting room, I release a deep, long sigh, mentally picture Mr Baldinger being hog-tied to a gurney and all to the amusement of a waiting room full of the world’s misfits. The drug addicts, psychotics, neurotics, non-compliants, drug-seekers, actors, beggars, the lonely, the homeless and the
...appear to follow a moving object. Comatose (unresponsive)if large amount consumed. Eyes may be open or closed. Ecstasy: Confusion, depression, headaches, dizziness (fromhangover/after effects), muscle tension, panic attacks, paranoia,possession of pacifiers (used to stop jaw clenching), lollipops,candy necklaces, mentholated vapor ...
...twenty girls that four of them had at one time become a born again Christian. Three of them had parents that still attended church each Sunday. For a year of five nights a week I was the only male company ...
07:07
As San Antonio’s finest come blazing past me and abruptly come to a screeching halt at the ER entrance, I again briefly picture the drama unfolding inside. Driving away in my truck I smile large and begin to sing……….”Oompa Loompa Loopity Loo…I’ve got a special…
Michael is an Emergency Dept Nurse from Texas.
...strict diet must be followed if taking an MAOI, because in conjunction with certain foods, the body can react with elevated blood pressure, headaches, fluctuating blood sugar (for people with diabetes), and in more severe cases, brain hemorrhage. Because of ...